L'appel du vide- but it's not that serious

L'appel du vide- but it's not that serious Anytime I see a anyone talking on the podium in church or a chorister singing at the choir stand, I always have this urge.. wait, it's not that strong, I don't think it's an urge But it's not a desire. a desire would mean that I'm proud. Would it though? I don't know whatever it is What I do know is, I always, always imagine myself running down to the choir stand to grab the mic Then I imagine everyone utterly confused and surprised and then I begin to laugh Or I've always wondered what would happen if I suddenly started screaming while the word is being preached I've imagined shouting 'everyone wait' during an intense prayer session Then everyone turns to look at me and I keep praying like I'm not aware of my surrounding I've always imagined throwing a pen or a book on the preacher I've imagined screaming or doing something ridiculous on my seat when the drama team is on stage Or going outside to do a break dance The congregation would definitely think it's part of the drama But what would be going on in the actors' minds? I've always imagined throwing my phone into an open gutter whenever I walk by it Or throwing my white shirt inside Or throwing my phone down a balcony Is it the fear of me believing I can actually do those things, that make me always think about them? What if it finally happens to me? In Job's words 'the thing which I feared has come upon me' Noooo😭 Has this thing ever happened to you?; Tell me I'm not the only weird person in this universe (here's what my Ai says>>>)